


you fill my life with colour (and one day i'll fill yours too)

by herasarchives



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Growing Up Together, Heavy Angst, How Do I Tag, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Iwaizumi Hajime-centric, M/M, Minor Hanamaki Takahiro/Matsukawa Issei, Minor Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Soulmates, Time Skips, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:20:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26598961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/herasarchives/pseuds/herasarchives
Summary: i wanna sing a song that would be just oursbut i sang them all to another heartand i wanna cry i wanna learn to lovebut all my tears have been used up- another love/// iwaoi soulmates au where your world is black and white and it gains color once you share kiss your soulmatefor matt
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 45
Kudos: 151





	you fill my life with colour (and one day i'll fill yours too)

Iwaizumi Hajime was looking out of the window of his room, an activity he did quite often. But now he wasn’t observing his own backyard, his attention was taken away by the boy next door, playing in his backyard. Iwaizumi was currently trying to understand the game the boy was playing currently if it even was a game. He watched as the boy used the tips of his fingers to push the ball in the air in a perfect line that let the ball stop for a split second mid-air before returning to its primary position, and the cycle repeating again.

“What are you looking at Hajime?” his mother’s voice caught his attention.

“Mom, who’s that?” he asked, pointing his finger at the neighbour.

“Oh, those are the Oikawas,” his mother replied. “They moved in a few days ago.”

“What is he doing?” he asked another question.

“Well, it seems to me that he’s practicing how to set a ball, just like in volleyball.”

“Hm, volleyball,” Iwaizumi murmured under his breath. “But why is he setting to himself?”

“Well, it seems like he doesn’t have anyone to set to. Maybe you could go introduce yourself to him. Everyone appreciates a friend.”

“Maybe later,” Iwaizumi said as he started to walk away from the window. “I wanna play outside now.”

\--------------------

Iwaizumi was outside for around thirty minutes, running around with a net in his hands, showing no sign of stopping anytime soon. The butterfly that he was following has finally decided to take a rest on a branch of a tree, and he would have been able to catch it If his attention hadn’t been stolen away by someone calling him.

“Hey! Neighbour! I know you’re there! I can see you!”

Iwaizumi walked closer to the fence separating the two households, the place where the voice seemed to have been coming from.

“Yes?” he asked in a quiet voice.

“I tossed the ball too high and it went flying over to your garden,” the boy pointed to the location of his ball. “Could you throw it over please?”

Iwaizumi turned around and walked over to where his neighbour was pointing. He picked up the ball and was just about to throw it when he got interrupted once again.

“Try spiking it, it’s more effective,” the boy said, now leaning at the fence.

Iwaizumi took a step back as he threw the ball in the air and then jumped, hitting the ball with almost magical accuracy and power. The boy on the other side of the fence tried his best to receive the spike but was so astonished by the performance that he froze in place as the ball flew past him. It bounced off the grass and the boy snapped out of his trance, completely enchanted by the performance.

“That was amazing!” his eyes widened in amazement. “Do you play volleyball?”

“No,” Iwaizumi said emotionlessly.

“Would you like to?” The boy's eyes grew wider, their warm grey colour matching the boy's personality. Iwaizumi could have sworn that his eyes switched to brown for a split second, but shrugged the thought away.

The world is black and white until you share a kiss with your soulmate.

“I could set and you could spike,” the boy's voice took him back to reality.

Iwaizumi looked at his net discarded on the grass next to him, and then back at the boy who was staring at him through the fence.

“Why not,” he shrugged his shoulders.

“Nice to meet you then. I’m Oikawa Tōru.” his bubbly neighbour smiled.

“Iwaizumi Hajime.”

\--------------------

Before he knew it, Iwaizumi was spending most of his time in Oikawa’s backyard, practicing his spikes.

“Maybe once we go to Junior High we could join the volleyball team!” Oikawa exclaimed as he set the ball to Iwaizumi once again.

“Yeah, sure,” Iwaizumi sent the ball flying to the other side of the newly installed net.

“Which Junior High are you going to?” Oikawa asked as he walked over to pick up the ball.

“Probably Kitagawa Daiichi,” Iwaizumi replied, scratching the back of his head. “My parents are choosing for me, so I don’t think I can do anything about it,”

“No way!” Oikawa's face was suddenly brighter than the sun. “My parents are considering sending me there as well!”

Unbeknownst to his knowledge, a small smile appeared across Iwaizumi’s face.

_Everyone appreciated a friend._

\--------------------

“We’re not watching Godzilla again,” Oikawa crossed his arms on his chest.

“We’re not watching E.T.,” Iwaizumi fought back.

They were staring at each other, their gazes practically piercing one another, waiting for the other one to give up.

“We can always make a compromise,” Oikawa suggested.

“We have nothing in common when it comes to TV,” Iwaizumi swept the idea of the table.

“Rock, paper, scissors?” Oikawa aksed.

“That’s based on luck,” Iwaizumi rolled his eyes.

“How about an arm-wrestling contest?” Oikawa’s eyes glistened a lighter grey

“I’ll defeat you,” Iwaizumi smirked.

“Bring it on.”

\--------------------

“How does it feel to lose?” Oikawa teased as he put the DVD into the player.

“Tch,” Iwaizumi pouted as he brought the blanket closer to him. “How does it feel to not have a working heating system in your house?”

“Oi!” Oikawa was the one to pout now. “You want an extra blanket?”

“No, it’s fine,” Iwaizumi shook his head. “Just start the movie already.”

Oikawa clicked a few buttons on the TV remote and crawled under Iwaizumi’s blanket as the opening started to play. He reached into the bowl of popcorn in front of him and placed a handful of it into his mouth. Iwaizumi scoffed at his friend’s antics before reaching in for the snack as well.

That’s how they would spend that night; watching a movie older than the both of them, constantly fighting over the remote if one of them wanted to adjust the volume, the movie session quickly turning into a popcorn fight after Oikawa purposefully flicked one at Iwaizumi.

They were creating what in the future would become one of their favourite memories without even knowing about it.

\--------------------

The dialogues from the movie were interrupted by gentle snoring. Iwaizumi’s eyes immediately fell to Oikawa, sprawled across the bed, face buried in the pillow, his right hand outstretched towards the bowl of popcorn.

Iwaizumi sighed and gently hopped off the bed, turning the TV off in the process. He placed the bowl from the bed onto the floor and threw another blanker over Oikawa. He then re-established his previous position, as he laid down on his side, facing him. He flicked his forehead lightly in order not to wake him up and murmured something to the lines of _“how does one fall asleep watching a movie they picked,”_ before going to sleep himself.

“Good night, loser,” he whispered.

\--------------------

The sound of a notebook hitting the floor broke Iwaizumi’s concentration. He was currently nose deep into his algebra workbook, trying to remember the formulas for tomorrow’s test. He didn’t mind the noise, only presuming that one of Oikawa’s notebooks had slipped off the side of the couch and that he would reach to pick it up.

A few minutes passed until he realized that he never did.

“Oi, Shittykawa,” he called out.

No response.

Iwaizumi removed his head from Oikawa’s shoulder (which he had been using as his headrest for the past hour or so) and looked up at his best friend. His eyes were shut, glasses slowly slipping from his nose, legs stretched on the coffee table, one hand barely holding a pen, while the other hung loosely from the edge of the sofa, the notebook it used to hold now lying face down on the floor. Iwaizumi had already come to the conclusion that he might be catching feelings and therefore couldn’t stop himself from admiring how beautiful Oikawa looked.

The way his hair curled upwards at its ends, the ways his long eyelashes fluttered against each other even in his sleep. His glasses, balancing at the tip of his perfect nose, puffs of warm air exiting his full lips every few seconds.

He looked so ethereal like that.

Iwaizumi lightly closed his workbook, leaned over to grab Oikawa’s pen out of his hand and placed both items on the table.

He then got off the couch, careful not to disrupt Oikawa and stretched a little before turning back to his friend. He knew that if he’d let him sleep in that uncomfortable sitting position he was currently in, he’d have terrible back pains in the morning and Iwaizumi would have to beg him to get him to skip training, in order to not make it even worse. So he slowly turned him on the side so he was lying across the couch, and supported his head with one of the pillows. Iwaizumi was lucky that Oikawa ended up as his dormmate since the last thing he’d want to be doing at 1 am is carrying his best friend whom he had a crush on through the dead silent halls to his dorm.

But if it were necessary to do such a thing, Iwaizumi wouldn’t bat an eye.

\--------------------

“Guess what?” Oikawa said, waving the plastic card in front of Iwaizumi’s face.

“Maybe if you stood still, I’d be able to see,” Iwaizumi sighed, grabbing Oikawa’s hand. “A Driver’s license? Who did you bribe?”

“No one,” Oikawa smirked. “I told you I’m a great driver.”

“Do you not remember how many times you’ve put yours and my life on the line during our practice rides?”

_“Iwa-chan?” Oikawa turned his head to face his friend. “I understand the numbers, but what does the R stand for?”_

_“Are you serious?” Iwaizumi asked, not believing the words that just came out of Oikawa’s mouth._

_“Yes,” Oikawa pouted. “What does it mean?”_

_“Reverse, Shittykawa,” Iwaziumi placed his head in his hands. “It makes the car move backwards.”_

_“You could have told me that before you took me out on the road,” Oikawa said as he changed up to a higher gear._

_“I thought you knew such primitive things,” Iwaizumi shook his head. “Tell me the order of the pedals, left to right.”_

_“Clutch, brake, accelerator,” Oikawa recited. “How are the flashers again?”_

_“Up is to the right and down is to the left-” Iwaizumi sighed again._

_Oikawa pushed the lever up and a confused look appeared on his face when the windwasher fluid appeared on the corners of the car’s windshield, the wipers spreading all across the surface._

_“If you move the correct lever, of course,” Iwaizumi leant over to flip the levers, shaking his head at Oikawa’s inattentiveness. “Do you listen to anything I say?”_

“At least I don’t have to drive you around like you babysitter anymore,” Iwaizumi glared at him.

“Well to repay a favour, mind if I take you for a ride?” Oikawa’s eyes brightened.

“I value my life so I’ll have to pass,” Iwaizumi gave him a sarcastic smile.

“Come on, Iwa-chan! I can’t be that bad!”

\--------------------

“Oikawa!” Iwaizumi quickly grabbed the steering wheel, moving the car into the other direction, avoiding a collision with a car coming from the right. Once they were out of the way of any moving cars he let go and gave the control over the vehicle back to Oikawa.

“Do you even watch the road signs?” Iwaizumi turned around to face him.

“Yes,” Oikawa looked away, avoiding eye contact.

“Why did you fly into the road instead of yielding then?” Iwaizumi’s tone grew louder and angrier. “Do you wanna get yourself killed?”

“Stop yelling at me!” Oikawa finally turned around, his gaze meeting Iwaizumi’s.

Iwaizumi was the one to turn away now, deciding to look out the window for the rest of the ride.

“Sorry,” Oikawa broke the silence after a few minutes. “That was irresponsible of me.”

“The hell it was,” Iwaizumi shook his head once again. “I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I just want you to start looking out for yourself too, Tōru. I might not be around forever to watch your back.”

The car stopped abruptly, making them both lean forward before flying back to their seats.

“What did you just say?” Oikawa looked at Iwaizumi, his right hand still holding the wheel.

“I said that someday, I might not be around to steer that wheel into the opposite direction. I might not be around to tell you to sleep enough, to eat and drink enough, to stop overworking yourself, to study enough beforehand, to stop fooling around,” Iwaizumi stared onto the road in front of him. “It’s not certain that I’ll stick around after high school.”

“What are you talking about?” Oikawa now moved the car to the side of the road and turned the engine off. “We’re taking on the world together, Hajime.”

“Are you really sure about that?” Iwaizumi now turned to face the setter. “I mean there’s no doubt that you’ll become a professional, but me? I’m just slightly above average. I don’t really have any amazing skills that define me.”

“That doesn’t mean you can’t go pro,” Oikawa tried to lift his spirits. “Unless you don’t want to, of course.”

“I want to,” Iwaizumi replied. “There’s nothing I want more. I’m just not sure if I can make it. But I’m letting the universe to decide that.”

“Whichever way you decide to go, Iwa,” Oikawa grabbed his shoulder. “I’ll support it.”

Iwaizumi smiled at those words.

“And I’ll have your back the same way you have mine.”

\--------------------

I was already complete when I met him.

He filled my life with so much colour.

To go on without him seemed absurd.

\--------------------

Oikawa checked the clock on the wall and sighed.

‘Where the hell are those two?” he thought.

As that thought passed through his head, the door to the gym suddenly opened. All eyes fell onto Issei, Hanamaki loosely hanging off his arm.

“Where have you two been?” Oikawa asked.

“Oi, sorry, we were just busy appreciating the views around us,” Issei replied.

“Tch,” Iwaizumi shook his head. “Not like its colourful after you found your soulmates, eh?”

“Well, that’s actually what happened,” Hanamaki smiled.

“What?!” the team collectively turned around at the duo in the door.

“Turns out, me and Mattsun are soulmates!” Hanamaki smiled at the taller boy. “You can learn quite some things during a game of truth or dare.”

“What’s the colour of my hair?” Oikawa asked, running a hand through his hair.

“The same as your eyes,” Issei answered.

“Yeah, but what colour?” Oikawa asked again.

“Brown. But what does it even matter, it’s not like you can see it,” Hanamaki have Oikawa a grin.

Oikawa pouted at the outside hitter, before pointing to the net.

“What are you two lovebirds waiting for? Get moving!”

\--------------------

“How did that even happen?” Oikawa asked after the training was over.

“Last night Makki and I had a reunion with a couple of our classmates from Junior High,” Issei answered. “Then someone proposed a game of truth or dare.”

“Of course the most asked truth was if we had found our soulmate,” Hanamaki added. “And so I thought, _what if there is a pair of soulmates in this group_?”

“So you all just started kissing each other, didn’t you?” Iwaizumi scoffed.

“We didn’t think of that actually,” Hanamaki confessed. “We just started spinning the bottle.”

“And then Makki’s spin landed on me, and we all know where things went from that,” Issei smiled.

“Did the two of you have feelings for each other before the whole thing?” Oikawa asked, placing his hands on his hips.

The duo looked at each other and then back at their captain and vice.

“Yeah, kinda,” they both stuttered out at the same time.

“Yeah or kinda?” Iwaizumi interrogated them further.

“Jeez, is this some sort of police investigation?” Hanamaki scowled. “I’m not telling the two of you anything else. Go find your own soulmates.”

“So I should go around kissing every person I see, to try and find out if they’re the one?” Oikawa asked.

“Bold of you to assume that every person you see would kiss you, Shittykawa” Iwaizumi said.

“Oi!” Oikawa pouted. “And stop with the nicknames!”

“Listen, I’m not saying go kiss the entire school,” Hanamaki defended himself. “But at least kiss the people you’re really close to!”

“I have to agree with Makki here, I don’t think that soulmates are random either,” Issei added.

“Just because you two are best friends, doesn’t mean all soulmates have to be,” Iwaizumi said. “Besides, I believe that one way or another, you’ll always find a way to your soulmate. If it’s real, it will never be over.”

“That can also be true, yes,” Makki agreed. “But the earlier you discover it, the better.”

\--------------------

“Iwa-chan?”

Iwaizumi lowered the book he was reading and looked across the room at his best friend.

“Yes?”

“You know what Makki said about the whole soulmate business,” Oikawa started. “That your soulmate might be someone you already know, just haven’t kissed yet?”

“Where exactly are you going with that?” Iwaizumi raised his eyebrow at Oikawa’s statement.

“I think you know exactly where I’m going with that,” he replied, not breaking eye contact.

“Aight, come here,” Iwaizumi sighed, placing the book besides him and sitting up.

Oikawa sat across Iwaizumi, legs crossed.

“You really sure you wanna do this?” Iwaizumi asked.

“Oi, don’t be so scared Iwa-chan,” Oikawa teased. “There are only two outcomes of this; either we’re soulmates, or we’re not. What’s the worst that could happen?”

One thing, actually.

Before he knew it, Iwaizumi pressed his lips against his, in a kiss that meant nothing for either of them.

Well, at least that’s what he thought.

“Well, that wasn’t that bad, eh?” Oikawa pulled away, a grin on his face.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Iwaizumi looked at Oikawa, on his face the expression of pure shock. “Do you realize what just happened?”

“What are you talking about Iwa-chan? It was just a kiss,” Oikawa was the one to raise an eyebrow now.

“Are you blind?” Iwaizumi asked as he waved his hand in front of Oikawa’s face.

“Huh? It’s still black and white if that’s what you’re asking.”

Iwaizumi’s eyes widened at that sentence. He looked around the room, walls now blue, and then back at Oikawa, his brown hair messy from the whole day, eyes of the same colour staring deeply into his.

It’s then he realized what was really happening.

Oikawa Tōru was his soulmate, but Iwaizumi Hajime was not _his._

\--------------------

Graduation day. If you asked Iwaizumi about it last week, he’d say something to the lines of never wanting the feeling to end. If you asked him now, he’d say something to the lines of wanting it to be over as soon as possible.

All because of one person.

His used-to-be best friend.

Iwaizumi wasn’t sure about what their relationship was at this point. He hadn’t talked to Oikawa ever since, and the last words he heard from him still played in his minds.

_We’re no soulmates. Stop bullshitting._

He didn’t know what hurt more. The fact that for some reason, the universe chose him to get a soulmate who he didn’t belong to, or the fact that the only person he trusted with his own life didn’t believe him.

He turned his head to the side to look at him, his head slightly tilted upwards, his gaze set on something in front of him. Iwaizumi knew that Oikawa sensed that he was looking at him, he always did. The fact that he couldn’t be bothered to look back at him broke his heart even more.

Iwaizumi turned back and looked at the floor.

He should be hating him, he should be wanting to clear his life of Oikawa’s existence, but he didn’t. He was doing the exact opposite, falling for him even more, falling into an endless pit of despair and rejected love, he wanted Oikawa to stay in his life forever, not wanting to let go.

And so he didn’t, and the pain slowly started to destroy him, eating him from the inside out.

\--------------------

We’re soulmates.

But he doesn’t know.

And this is my tragedy.

\--------------------

Iwaizumi watched the after-party from his seat when suddenly the loud music stopped.

Pair dances, he thought.

“May I ask for a dance?” A half-drunk Hanamaki stumbled towards him.

“Don’t you have a husband to dance with?” Iwaizumi asked, trying not to laugh at his ex-classmates state.

“I lost him,” Hanamaki sighed. “And you don’t have a partner so let's dance together!”

“What are we dancing?” Iwaizumi asked as he stood up from his seat.

“I’m guessing waltz.”

Iwaizumi sat back down.

“I’m not dancing the waltz,” he protested.

“Oi, come on Iwa,” Hamaki pouted. “Why not?”

“I’m terrible at it,” Iwaizumi lied.

_“No, no, no, you have to go to the other direction now,” Iwaizumi shook his head at Oikawa stumbling around the room, dancing his own version of the waltz. “You have to switch the sides between the steps.”_

_“Okay Mr I-was-taught-how-to-dance-from-the-age-of-five,” Oikawa pouted at him._

_“I taught myself everything, Shittykawa,” Iwaizumi gave him a cold look. “And I’m only doing this so you don’t embarrass yourself at the dance.”_

_“Tch,” Oikawa rolled his eyes. “Who are you going with?”_

_“No one,” Iwaizumi answered sternly. “I’m not going. Dances aren’t really my cup of tea."_

_“Well I’m not going either then,” Oikawa crossed his arms across his chest. “I’m gonna spend the day with you and we’re going to have a good time.”_

If he had been aware of the consequences, Iwaizumi would have gone to the dance.

Iwaizumi’s eyes flew open as he sat up, trying to push the remains of the dream to the back of his mind. He wiped the sweat off his face and checked the bedside clock.

2:38 AM.

He threw his feet off the bed and walked through his apartment to the kitchen. He was lucky not to have a flatmate since him constantly waking up during the night would have annoyed the hell out of anyone.

The cause of his waking up in the middle of the night was always the same for the five years of it happening. The dreams. There were two types; the first one being a story told in another dimension, where everything was normal, he and Oikawa the soulmates that they were supposed to be, living their life together at peace. These dreams were always different; from daily household activities to fancy dates, luxurious holidays… the list was endless.

The other type was about the harsh reality. Constant memories of Oikawa, would take over his mind, and made him relive the events over and over and over. The thing that drove Iwaizumi crazy was that no matter what memory the dream started with, it always ended with the one leading to the night where it all went wrong.

Iwaizumi hated both types of his dreams.

He refreshed his face with a splash of water and stared at the bottom of the sink for some time. He then opened the cabinet above his head and took out the glass bottle with the amber liquid, unscrewing its lid as he walked towards the window of the dorm.

He balanced the open bottle between his index and middle finger, thinking about his next move, even though he always did the same. He brought the bottle to his lips and started to drink, the feeling of the strong substance burning on his tongue and throat relieving him of his pain.

He’d tried everything at this point, but it seemed like there wasn’t anything that could make the thoughts about a certain Oikawa Tōru disappear. The alcohol did its job, but only temporarily. At this point, he didn’t care about the damage he was doing to himself, because no damage could compare to the emptiness he felt on the inside. It felt like a poison eating him from the inside out, but no matter how much it hurt him he could never bring himself to let Oikawa go.

Thinking about Oikawa Tōru was a poisonous drug Iwaizumi Hajime took way too often.

\--------------------

And so I drink, and I drink,

until the bottle is emptier than I am.

\--------------------

Iwaizumi closed his notebook and threw himself on his bed. Ever since the incident, he’s been trying to figure out the answer to his soulmate problem, the “non-mutual soulmates” as he liked to call it. He’d spend days and nights browsing the internet, reading books, talking to people who’ve already found their soulmates, but whatever he did, he couldn’t seem to get an answer.

It seemed like he was the only black sheep of soulmates in the entire world.

He hadn’t told anyone about it, simply answering all soulmate related questions with a “no, haven’t found them yet”. The only two people who knew about it were Mattsun and Makki after he had told them at their wedding.

_“Oikawa’s not coming?” Iwaizumi asked._

_“I mean we really wanted him here, but we couldn’t find a way to contact him,” Issei sighed. “He kinda lost contact with everyone after graduation.”_

_“Yeah, he did,” Iwaizumi took another sip from his champagne, trying to avoid Issei’s and Hanamaki’s confused looks._

_“Wait,” Hanamaki raised his eyebrow. “You’re telling me you two aren’t in contact either?”_

_“Nope,” Iwaizumi shook his head. “I don’t blame him though. I probably would have done the same thing if things were the other way around.”_

_“What do you mean?” Issei asked. “Did you and Oikawa have a falling out?”_

_“That’s one way to call it.”_

_“What happened?” Hanamaki looked at him with a concerned look. “I mean you don’t have to tell us if you don’t want to, but if you want to take it off your chest we’re here for you.“_

_“The whole soulmate business,” Iwaizumi sighed. “After you said all those things about kissing the people close to you, Oikawa and I tried it and the results were shocking.”_

_“What are you talking about?” Issei snickered. “I mean you either are soulmates or you’re not. That’s how it is.”_

_“Well that’s what we thought too,” Iwaizumi replied, looking away. “Turns out he’s my soulmate but I’m not his.”_

_“What?” the newly-weds asked in unison._

_“You heard me. My world gained colour while his remained black and white.”_

_“But how does that even happen?” Hanamaki looked at his spouse and then back at Iwaizumi. “I mean, that’s not how it works!”_

_“That’s what I’ve been wondering ever since.”_

_That’s not how it works, Hanamaki’s words echoed through Iwaizumi’s mind._

_Exactly Makki,_ he thought _. That’s not how it works._

He stood up from the bed and stumbled towards the messily written schedule on his wall. It was the middle of the Olympics and he had completely forgotten who was playing against Japan today.

He froze in his place when his eyes read the word.

Argentina.

Oikawa Tōru.

After the two of them mutually avoiding each other for the past 9 years, they’d have to meet again.

\--------------------

Even spending time with the national team reminded him of his soulmate situation. Almost everyone from the team has found their soulmate at this point, and Iwaizumi had to pretend that his vision was still black and white, the fear of slipping up haunting him every second.

The couple he was most jealous of was undeniably Sakusa Kiyoomi and Miya Atsumu.

Probably due to the fact of how much they reminded him of the relationship he and Oikawa used to have. Atsumu’s boldness and the often cocky energy made it seem that he was looking at Oikawa in a different body. The fact that they were both greatly talented setters didn’t help either. On the other hand, Iwaizumi saw himself in Sakusa, the less loud and obnoxious ace spiker with a much calmer personality, often in charge of his setters behaviour. Watching the duo play together reminded him of when he and Oikawa used to play back in high school as the inseparable duo they once were.

There were so many other similarities between them and Oikawa and him, that he wouldn’t be able to even list them all.

The fact that even if Atsumu annoyed the hell out of Sakusa (which he did), Sakusa still loved him and cherished his presence no matter what. The way in which Sakusa had a soft spot for Atsumu but would never show it, while on the other hand, Atsumu was all over Sakusa at all times, much to Sakusa’s dislike.

Atsumu and Oikawa were clingy; Sakusa and Iwaizumi were not. Atsumu and Oikawa took the attention of the people in the room they walked into; Sakusa and Iwaizumi walked silently behind them. Atsumu and Oikawa set the ball; Sakusa and Iwaizumi spiked it. Atsumu and Oikawa liked to have fun; Sakusa and Iwaizumi took things seriously. Atsumu and Oikawa would end up in jail; Sakusa and Iwaizumi would bail them out.

There was only one difference between them.

The love between Atsumu and Sakusa was mutual, the love between Iwaizumi and Oikawa was not.

But it wasn’t just the similarities of their relationships that made him jealous.

It was the way Sakusa took off his and Atsumu’s engagement rings before they trained or played a match and kept them safe in a box, and after that, he’d firstly place Atsumu’s ring back on his finger, then he’d put his on.

Iwaizumi would do that too.

It was the way Sakusa always let his guard down when he was around Atsumu, and would even show affection if he felt his fiancé needed it.

Iwaizumi would do that too.

It was the way Sakusa always gave Atsumu the last piece of gum, the way Sakusa let Atsumu borrow any of his clothes, the way Sakusa introduced Atsumu as his soulmate, the way Sakusa knew Atsumu’s favourite colour, favourite food, favourite everything, the way Sakusa knew Atsumu better than Atsumu knew himself.

Iwaizumi would do all of that too. He’d even do more. But he couldn’t.

So he just put on a smile every time he saw them together, wishing so desperately that he could experience something even mildly similar to it, but deep down he knew that he wouldn’t

Iwaizumi Hajime wasn’t Oikawa Tōru’s soulmate after all.

\--------------------

The teams were currently lining up on the opposite sides of the court, and Iwaizumi stopped paying attention to his team. Instead, he was looking at the team behind the net. His eyes scanned player after player until they finally stopped on the one he was looking for.

He didn’t change much.

He was an inch or two taller now and gained a bit more muscle, but otherwise, he was still the same. The same bright brown eyes shone from his face, his hair of the same colour glistening in the colour of the stadium floodlights. His face was turned away from Iwaizumi as he was currently laughing at something once of his teammates said. Oikawa suddenly turned back around, freezing in place when his gaze met Iwaizumi’s.

Once again, Iwaizumi got lost in the brown of his eyes. He could have sworn that they switched to grey for a split second, but shrugged the thought away.

They both stood on opposing sides of the court, watching each other, Oikawa’s mind filling with thought.

The first thing he noticed was that Iwaizumi didn’t change much.

He was an inch or two taller now and gained a bit more muscle, but otherwise, he was still the same. The grey of his eyes stared deeply into his, and his darker hair was still kept in its usually messy form.

He thought about if Iwaizumi had found his soulmate yet, but deep down he knew that he didn't.

Iwaizumi thought the same thing.

Neither of them wanted to break the moment. It was the first time they saw each other after all those years, and all the memories they suppressed during that time came flooding back into their minds like a wild stream. Neither of them could help it but smile, their smiles genuine for the first time in ages. Even though it might have seemed as if the feelings that were currently floating around the stadium were still one-sided, the sight of his used-to-be best friend made Oikawa’s heart ache too.

\--------------------

“Iwaizumi!” the sound of someone calling his name caused him to stop in his tracks. He slowly turned around, only to see Atsumu running towards him.

“I would have almost forgotten to give ya this,” Atsumu said, stretching out a hand, which held a silver envelope.

“What is it?” Iwaizumi asked as he took the envelope from the blond setter’s hand.

“Find out for yerself,” he smirked. “Open it when yer home, kay?

“Sure,” Iwaizumi nodded as he placed the envelope into the pocket of his jacket.

“Kay, see ya!” Atsumu called out, already running back inside.

 _I’m never getting used to that one,_ Iwaizumi thought.

\--------------------

The envelope which Atsumu had given him now sat in the middle of his desk, Iwaizumi’s eyes glued to it. He grabbed his paperknife and sliced the envelope open, placing the knife back to its spot before taking out the card inside the letter.

He leaned back into his chair and threw his head back when he read the inscriptions on the card.

 _Of course it’s a wedding invitation,_ he sighed.

He’d go. Of course he would. He had nothing against Sakusa and Atsumu, why would he?

They’re soulmates after all.

_It’s just another wedding, after all,_ he thought.

Just another wedding. Just another marriage ceremony of two soulmates and just another party during which everyone should be enjoying themselves but he didn’t. Just another time he’d witness two people who were truly in love live through the day that belonged solely to them, just another time he’d hear a different pair of wedding vows, just another time he’d hear the best man’s speech, just another time he’d have to dance the waltz with someone he didn’t even know, just another time he’d try to stop himself from drowning away in the champagne but end up doing it anyway.

Just another time he’d be wishing it was him standing at the altar.

\--------------------

I am a stranger in your eyes, where once I saw a soulmate.

\--------------------

Iwaizumi looked at the little clock in the bottom corner of his computer screen.

1:36 AM

He sighed and pinched the bridge of his notes, as he clicked on yet another article about soulmates.

He was slowly but surely growing tired of this whole soulmate business. He tried to forget, he tried to forget about Oikawa Tōru ever existing, ever being a part of his life; but every time he opened his eyes and saw the colours of the world, the reminder for why he was able to see them hit him like a brick.

At this point, Iwaizumi didn’t care if he was Oikawa’s soulmate or not. He didn’t care if he was Oikawa’s soulmate, or if it were just some mistake in the system. He didn’t care if he’d get to find his actual soulmate one day.

He just wanted this eternal soulmate damnation he had gotten himself into, to stop. He wanted to be free.

Iwaizumi closed his notebook and threw himself on his bed. He tapped his hand on the bedside table, searching for the lightswitch of his bedside lamp. Once he managed to turn it on, he opened the drawer and took out the collection of his favourite photos. He removed the paperclip that held them together and looked at the first one.

The photo was of him holding a volleyball in his hand, a faint smile on his lips. Standing next to him was Oikawa, with a big smile on his face, perfectly describing his bubbly personality.

He let out a small chuckle at that memory, remembering their first interaction, and the way that a decision that seemed rather unimportant and minimal, changed his life completely. He often wondered where he’d be if he hadn’t agreed to play volleyball that day. Would he have already found his soulmate? Would he be living in Japan? Would he be happier?

_Besides, I believe that one way or another, you’ll always find a way to your soulmate. If it’s real, it will never be over._

With every day that passed, he became less and less sure that that statement was true.

He put the photo at the back of the pile and looked at the second one.

This one showed the two of them holding an arm-wrestling contest to decide on who’s movie pick they’ll be watching later. Oikawa wanted E.T while Iwaizumi demanded they watch Godziilla.

Iwaizumi let him win.

He repeated what he did with the first photo and looked at the third one.

The following photo showed him and Oikawa in the backseats of his mother’s car, both asleep after losing to Shiratorizawa Junior High in the finals of the Junior High Athletics Meet. Oikawa was leaning on Iwaizumi’s shoulder and Iwaizumi had placed his head on top of his.

He repeated the cycle, again and again, looking at photo after photo, a happy memory arising in his mind with each image he laid his eyes at. Once he came to the end of the collection, he flipped the pile of photos in his hand, asking himself why he considered these specific pictures his favourite.

It was because they depicted Oikawa and him.

They contained the memories that he had lost.

He gave the first photo final look before stowing the pile back to the drawer. He switched the light off, and threw himself on his back, staring at the ceiling above him. He thought about everything he and Oikawa had been through, the memories slowly pushing him to sleep.

“Let go, Iwaizumi,” were the last word he heard before he drifted away to sleep.

\--------------------

Iwaizumi had a dream that night. If it were any other day he would have called it a mixture of dream type 1 and 2.

But that day was a special day.

He found himself back where it all started, the garden in which he grew up. He heard Oikawa’s voice call out for him, the feeling of spiking a volleyball for the first time, the soft brown of his eyes staring into his.

_The soft brown of his eyes._

That’s when he realized. He’s reliving his memories, but one thing is different.

All of them are in colour now.

He then finds himself watching E.T. for god knows which time, the cold biting at his feet, him and Oikawa huddled under one giant blanket, due to it being in the middle of November and the heating in Oikawa’s house being currently broken, the soft laugh that Oikawa still has to this day echoing in his hear, only to be soon replaced by his light snores when he fell asleep in the middle of the movie.

The sound of a book falling to the floor takes him to the couch at their shared dorm in Aoba Johsai, the arm that he was currently leaning on seemed softer than the couch, the night being so silent that Iwaizumi could practically hear Oikawa’s heartbeat even through his relaxed breaths, and from how slowly and gently his heart was beating Iwaizumi realized that Oikawa had fallen asleep.

Now they’re sitting in a restaurant, both of them enjoying the meals in front of them. Oikawa leans forward to steal a gyoza from Iwaizumi’s platter, but the smacks his hand away and gives him a look. Oikawa pouts, but the unsatisfied face is quickly replaced with a smile when he notices that Iwaizumi has placed not one, but two of his gyoza onto his platter. Looking at how content Oikawa is, Iwaizumi can’t stop himself from smiling as well.

Everything is suddenly replaced by the cheering of the crowd and a volleyball flying towards him. He feels the adrenaline rush in his veins as he hits the spike, scoring yet another point for his team. He can feel the smile appearing on Oikawa’s face and turns around to see it, as their eyes meet once again, a form of their non-spoken communication.

As the dream continues, the events start to go on by faster and faster, until it all becomes a blur. He can’t make out anything, yet at the same time is able to identify every memory that is currently flashing in front of his eyes. The time Oikawa got sick so Iwaizumi skipped school to be with him and ended up getting sick as well, but he didn’t mind it since he got to spend time with his best friend. The time Oikawa forgot his lunch so Iwaizumi bought him a loaf of milk bread and he ate the whole thing in fifteen minutes. The time they were hanging out in the evening and forgot about the concept of time, which led them to come back home at two in the morning and getting grounded, Iwaizumi for one week, Oikawa for two. The time when Oikawa won the best setter award and Iwaizumi couldn’t feel more proud of his best friend, feeling the same pride as today when he saw him standing on the Olympic court. The time when Oikawa’s girlfriend broke up with him and Iwaizumi spent the entire night with him, providing him with a shoulder to cry on, the sadness draining Oikawa so much that he ended up falling asleep in Iwaizumi’s arms, who drifted off a few minutes after. The time when they were walking back home after losing their last match as third years when Iwaizumi told Oikawa how much he truly meant to him, but that he’ll still do everything in his power to defeat him if they ended up on opposing teams, and Oikawa gladly accepting the challenge. The time when Iwaizumi got his driving license and he and Oikawa drove around Miyagi for hours, and only after Oikawa stopped pointing out every thing that he found interesting, Iwaizumi realized that he had fallen asleep. The time when a mildly drunk Oikawa decided to pierce his ear, and Iwaizumi wouldn’t have even known about it if there weren’t for the high-pitched shriek that was probably heard throughout the entire Seijoh campus; followed by Iwaizumi opening the bathroom door to find a crying Oikawa, sitting on the floor with a needle in his ear, the reason behind his tears not being the pain, but rather the frustration over the fact that he pierced the wrong ear. The time when Oikawa became the captain of the Aoba Johsai VBC at the beginning of the third year, and chose Iwaizumi as his vice, reassuring him about the fact that he still thought of the two of them as and inseparable duo.

Every time Oikawa set for him, every smile Oikawa gave him, every time he made fun out of him and every time he teased him back, every time they called each other by their nicknames, every time Oikawa went so serve and the adrenaline started to rush in Iwaizumi’s veins as well and every high five they shared after scoring a point for their team.

The first time he saw him, the moment he fell for him, and the last time he saw him.

The feeling of Oikawa’s soft eyes watching him, the echo of his voice floating around the room, the feeling of his skin brushing against Iwaizumi’s, the warmth Iwazumi felt inside of him every time he got pulled into a hug by him, the smell of his cologne now filling his lungs-

It all came together into a bubble of euphoria.

And then, it popped.

The first thing that met his senses was the smell of roses. The second was the feeling of someone holding his hand, a cold piece of what felt like metal slipping onto his ring finger. The third thing he felt was the slowly accelerating beating of his own heart. The fourth was the sight of the light brown eyes he had once fallen in love with, looking down at him. The fifth and final thing was nothing else but the voice of Oikawa Tōru saying the words “I do”.

Then, everything went black.

This was the last time Iwaizumi Hajime ever dreamt about Oikawa Tōru.

\--------------------

Every day he woke up to the same alarm, but today it seemed particularly annoying. With his eyes still closed he managed to make out the outline of his phone on the bedside table and after a minute of unsuccessful attempts to turn the alarm off, Iwaizumi knocked the phone to the ground.

That seemed to do the trick.

He tiredly opened his eyes, his gaze meeting the ceiling that loomed above his bed.

 _It’s fainter than usual,_ was his first thought. _Did I close the curtains?_

He turned to the side, eyes opening slowly, adjusting to the morning world.

That’s when it hit him.

It wasn’t just the ceiling that seemed faded. Everything was.

 _No, not faded,_ he thought. _Monochromatic._

His world was back to black and white.

He sat up, rubbing his eyes, making sure that his brain wasn’t just playing tricks on him. He pinched himself, assuring himself that this was indeed reality, not just another one of his dreams.

Soon enough he found himself crying.

He didn’t really know the exact reason for why he was crying, it wasn’t as if there was one true reason. He was happy, that it was all over, that he was free from his soulmate curse, closing that chapter of his life, and opening a new one, one that will be written by him and him only. But at the same time, he couldn’t get rid of the feeling of sadness and loneliness, somewhat missing the bright colours of the world, knowing that it might take a lifetime to get it back. Of course he’d miss seeing the colours of his favourite things. But at the same time he knew that the moment he’d be able to see colours again, he’d be at his happiest.

Iwaizumi knew what he had to do.

He stumbled out his bed, opened one of the spare notebooks he had lying across his table, tore out a page, grabbed a pen and started to write.

\--------------------

Here's to all the words I never got to say, here's to all the memories we never got to share.

\--------------------

Oikawa Tōru layed sideways on his couch, his eyes glued to the screen, watching some Argentinian soap opera. It wasn’t like was enjoying whatever was playing on TV, he just grew tired of flicking through the channels and decided to settle down for whatever channel 41 was offering. He was slowly but surely growing tired, the melodramatic soundtrack of the TV show slowly lulling him to sleep.

His peaceful state was interrupted by the vibrations from his phone. 

He groaned and reached for the phone that he had placed on the table next to him, and with a swipe of his thumb, he answered the call and switched to speaker mode.

“Yes?” 

“First of all I apologize for disturbing you during the siesta,” Oikawa’s secretary spoke through the phone.

“It’s alright,” Oikawa reassured them. “What’s the matter?” 

“Well, I went through all the fan mail you have received and one of the names sounded familiar, so I thought you might want to read that one,” the secretary said.

“Who is it?”

“Iwaizumi Hajime,” they replied. “Isn’t he the athletic trainer for Japan’s national team?”

“He’s also an old friend of mine,” Oikawa smiled at the thought. “Please deliver me the letter.”

“Of course.”

Oikawa put the phone down and buried himself in his thoughts.

He still hadn’t found his soulmate.

His frustration grew more with each day, seeing his teammates talk about their soulmates on a daily basis, and when they noticed his furrowed brows and felt the despair looming of him, they tried comforting him by saying something to the words of “Don’t worry Tōru, you’ll find them sooner or later”.

With every day that passed, he was becoming less and less sure of it.

He just wanted to find them, to finally experience the colours of the world and the wonders of love.

He too wanted to be free of his soulmate curse.

\--------------------

His thought process was interrupted by his doorbell ringing, and the sound of something being pushed under the door. He stood up from the couch and walked towards the door, under which a small envelope was resting. He leant down and examined the envelope he picked up.

It was a classic white envelope, postmark on its top right corner, in the middle, Oikawa’s name and address written neatly in Iwaizumi’s perfect handwriting. He flipped the envelope over to see if there was anything on the other side, but to his disappointment, it was blank.

He walked back to the couch, eyes still glued to the envelope as he placed himself back to his previous position, stretching himself on the length of the couch. He then gently opened the envelope and took out the letter. He flipped the paper over, opened it and started reading.

_Tōru,_

_I hope this letter gets to you._

_If it’s next week, or in one year, it doesn’t matter. As long as you get to read it, it has fulfilled its purpose._

_First of all, I would like to apologize. Even after all these years, I still feel guilty about fucking things up between us. I never wanted us to go separate ways while being on bad terms. The last time I saw you before yesterday was at graduation, and you couldn’t even look at me. I don’t blame you though. Being someone’s soulmate but them not being yours probably hurt you in a certain way as well._

_I can’t believe I was so selfish that I only thought about my own feelings._

_But ever since that fateful kiss that one night, you were the only thing on my mind. No matter what I was doing, where I was, I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Where you were right now, what were you doing, what team were you playing for, if you have you found your true soulmate already, if you were happy._

_I guess that’s what you call love._

_I knew you weren’t in love with me, it’s as if as I felt it somehow. Probably because if you were, you would have already done something about it. But that still didn’t stop me dreaming about that maybe in another dimension you were in love with me too._

_It was my only wish. That one day, I’d get a text, a call or a letter, saying that you loved me too. But it never came. And that left me wondering how many lives I will have to live until I find my way back to you._

_But seeing you on the court, seeing you smile, seeing you laugh, seeing you finally be happy, made me fall in love with you all over again._

_Even if I’m not the reason for your happiness, the feeling of your joy makes me feel content._

_You’ve gotten so far Tōru, and I couldn’t be more proud. Every time I look at you, I get reminded of all the reasons I fell in love with you._

_And it’s not just you I fell in love with. It was the fire of the sunset I watched through the balcony of my apartment. The turquoise of the Aoba Johsai jerseys in which we made some of our best memories. The various colours of the flowers in the park I pass every time I go to work, and the luscious greens of its trees. The soft brown of your eyes, and the olive green of mine. The bright colours of the volleyball court that I wish I could still be playing on._

_I fell in love with every shade of every colour that there is, that your existence made possible for me to see._

_But now I’ll have to learn how to live without all that again._

_I’ve spent years trying to figure out why and how this is happening, and the answer was just simple patience. So I waited._

_And this morning my world went back to black and white, and I no longer feel the things I used to feel._

_You were right in the end._

_We’re not soulmates._

_But soulmates or not, you’ll still remain the most important person in my life, Tōru. Thank you for everything that you’ve ever done from me, for all the times you let me pick on you, for all the times you’ve set the ball to me, for all the times we walked together to school and then home, for every time you picked me over someone else, for every second of my life that I got to spend with you._

_I could have not asked for a better friend._

_Yours always,_

_Iwa-chan._

_P.S._

_Just one more thing, Tōru. Once you meet that soulmate of yours, let me know. I’d love to meet them._

Oikawa felt the tears building up in his eyes, and at the sight of the nickname that he used to call Iwaizumi in high school, he couldn’t hold it in anymore. Tears clouded his vision as the love that he had never felt crashed over him like a wave and completely engulfed him. He felt as if he were drowning, both in his tears and the despair; the sight of Iwaizumi’s now dark green eyes, the sound of him saying Oikawa’s name, the smell of his signature cologne that now seemed to have filled the room, the touch of Iwaizumi’s skin against his, the taste of their kiss on that one fateful night; he wanted to experience all those things again. 

Minutes have passed, and Oikawa was still holding the letter to his chest, the dry tears forming paths under his eyes.

He took a deep breath and opened his eyes.

The light that came from his window almost blinded him.

He immediately shielded his face with his hand, and slowly started to move it away to adjust his eyes to the light. He blinked a few times and realized that the intensity of the light wasn’t the only weird thing about it.

The fact that it shone a glistening golden was peculiar too.

He quickly looked around the room, trying to understand what was happening.

Everything was colourful.

He grabbed the now tear-stained letter and read through it again. As he finished the last sentence, the haunting realization came over him.

Your world doesn’t gain colour the moment you kiss your soulmate.

It gains colour the moment you fall for them.

He sighed as tears again appeared in the corners of his eyes.

Oikawa Tōru was late.

Iwaizumi Hajime had already fallen out of love.

**Author's Note:**

> im sorry i wrote this
> 
> anways ty so much for reading i hope ya'll enjoyed it
> 
> you can rant to me on my ig; @rintaed


End file.
